Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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