Can i not drive my cunt home
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
