in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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