Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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