Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
