I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
