if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
