Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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