Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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