just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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