So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
