I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
