She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
But break dance skills will only take you so far
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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