i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
