I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
