I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
