is your mom at the bar?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
