im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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