Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
