a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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