I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
