the new term for farting is butt boxing.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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