I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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