shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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