my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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