my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
