In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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