That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
