I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
