I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
