i wish peter jackson would direct porn
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
