Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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