she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
