I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
