You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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