you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
