That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
