I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
