No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
