Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
