she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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