i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
