Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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