The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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