I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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