Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
