So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
