He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
