After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I think people are normalizing furries
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
