Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
