So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
