I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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