She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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