I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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